A Police Officer’s Fight Against Racism

I have started this site not because I love to hear myself talk, but because I feel the need to speak out. A 17-year-old me would be shocked to see the person I am today. I started this life very much as an introvert. I have been a Peace Officer since 2007. Prior to that I was in the United States Marines.

I enlisted in the Marines at the age of 17 with my parent’s signature. They signed a month after I turned 17 with the agreement I obtained my high school diploma. There was no argument about it, I had told my parents when I was 13 I would be a Marine. My older brother had come home from the recruiters with all the branches recruiting pamphlets. I saw the Marines and instantly knew I would attain the title.

Up until that point the only other job I had wanted was to be a firefighter. Even before my Uncle had switched careers from being a chemical engineer to Fire/EMS it was the job I wanted to serve in, but I still remember the excitement of going to his firehouse and hearing the wail of the siren. From the beginning of my memory I remember the calling to serve. While it has evolved over time, the mission has stayed the same. A love for others that knows no boundaries.

I met my wife six months into the Marines. Two years later we were married, and pregnant shortly thereafter. My compromise at the end of four years, for family and calling, was Law Enforcement. I still faced danger which at this point I knew I could withstand, but could be there for the wife I loved.

Nothing had changed for me. My desire to protect the innocent and vulnerable had not changed in anyway, only my uniform. I was first hired by the United State Capitol Police in Washington D.C. in 2007, but wanted a more interpersonal connection with the community and transferred to a local department in 2009 within the National Capital Region.

Out of the Academy I received my first choice pick to the District of my choosing. This District had one of the highest call volumes for the Department and is by far the most diverse in terms of community make-up. It covered Hispanic (Guatemalan, Salvadorian, Mexican, etc.), African (Nigerian, Algerian, Somali, Ethiopian, etc.), Arab, Asian (Korean, Vietnamese) White, African American. Literally the biggest mixing pot you can imagine.

This is the Community that I served for the majority of the time I was a patrol officer. During this time, I had several uses of force that had they been videotaped and played on repeat with no context could be manipulated to be perceived in a manner that was derogatory towards a community as a whole. That is certainly not the case, each use of force protected the diverse population I served.

Yet here I am facing in 2020 individuals who regularly throw insults, if not more at me. Would it surprise you to find that what I have found is more minorities have thanked me in the past few weeks, and more insults have come from the “White” community? I certainly do not expect thanks, I just found it to be an interesting observation because at the end of the day I have a scrolling list of names and faces. The majority of these faces are what have been described as “minorities”.

It is funny because this list of people I have served and been there for were not minorities in my mind, but people. Individuals that I had nothing but upmost concern for as I responded to their need regardless of race or gender. I have gone home, my soul absolutely crushed from seeing a “minority” child die well before their age dictates, their mother’s cry never departing my memory.

I have been accused of being racist because of my uniform. I have had two people show deadly force against me in my 13yr career, both “minority” citizens. The first one had already stabbed an individual in a parking lot and had run back to his apartment. His roommate gave permission for us to enter, a squad of us entered. I found him in the last room at the end of the hall. I was close enough to the door I had removed my left hand from my gun to open the door when he threw the door open, knife above his head.

Commands instantly given, and as soon as the knife dropped I engaged. I am sure some of you question why, being feet away from a person who had committed a violent felony and engaged with Police in such a manner, why didn’t you deploy greater force than going hands on. To this day the only thing I can think of is he didn’t break the plane of the door as he threw it open knife in hand. I had an amazing calm I couldn’t forcibly duplicate if I tried as I tackled him and the remainder of my squad assisted in taking him into custody.

I felt incredibly guilty as I went home that night, not because I didn’t use deadly force, but because I felt so calm in the situation I forced my squad into an unknown bedroom with an individual who had already stabbed someone and showed no regard for the commands we gave prior to entry. Unfortunately, I have to mention he was a minority, but this was not a factor for any of us that night.

Scenario 2. I was called for a runaway juvenile who was relatively known to me. As I was responding in, a few blocks away from the dispatched address, I see him. He is riding his bike in the intersection. I roll my window down and call to him by name that we are going home, put your bike in the back of my car. He throws the bike down and takes a defensive stance with me saying no he isn’t.

I put my car in park and step out going towards him. I get within 10 feet of him telling him I am taking him to his mother when he pulls a knife from his waist band and threatens to stab me. I again took him safely into custody. Regretfully I must again mention he was a “minority”. I say this because not once were these people minorities to me, they were the people of the community I served. By everything the Main Stream Media would have told you to this point, I would have launched a volley of rounds into both of them.

These are two clear cut deadly force incidents, where a weapon was displayed against me in an aggressive manner, and both taken into custody. I have numerous other incidents where it took mental resolve to face the fear of the unknown for the betterment of the community regardless of race.

One of the last calls for service I took in 2015 before I left for a specialty unit was a 9-11 hang-up. The call taker reported a female on the line screaming for help, then the line went dead. From the call the complainant (person who placed the call) was a minority/Hispanic, inconsequential to me at the time but unfortunately consequential to the point being made. We searched the area for what felt like an eternity. Finally, my midnight PSA partner (I was on an overlapping evening shift) found an open door in the complex. We made calls inside, finally a male, tatted up came down the stairs covered in blood with a white tank on.

My heart stood still. Too this day I feel guilty about this, for leaving my partner alone, but orders were given for him to get down. My partner on top of him, I asked if he(my partner) was good and he replied yes. In hind sight I would have made sure the handcuffs were tightly secure before I left him alone, but nevertheless my mind was only in one place. The female on the line regardless of her race.

I ran up the stairs, her son, no more than 4yrs old standing there wide eyed, I asked where his mom was, but he was too confused to answer, and I didn’t pause to articulate my concern another way, I pressed on in search of his mom who I thought for sure was murdered or on the brink. My safety not even a factor as I pressed on to find mom, alone with my backup tied up with her child’s father down stairs, her race and my safety not my concern. She was safely taken to the hospital, but again her race or ethnic background not a factor in how I approached the situation. The fact a person had called the police, needing my assistance and was forcibly disconnected my only concern.

These are just a few, so few, of the names and faces of individuals I have scrolling through my head, all of different skin tones and ethnic backgrounds, people who I can look back to and say I was there for. Even if it was an arrest, or in use of force they can, if honest with themselves, look back and say I was fair and honest with them regardless of race.

I have been off patrol since 2015, and while I have stumbled into a cruiser since that time for overtime purposes, have not had to deal with calls for service as my primary mission since. So these are just a few of my examples I had from 2009 to 2015 as the face of the Department on a responder for calls for service. The base and true heart of all Police Departments. The absolute brave Women and Men who put on the uniform day after day have my utmost respect.

I have seen Police Chiefs come out and denounce and proclaim racism in Police Departments. I would challenge those Political combatants to show proof of systemic racism in the Police. If you can, then shame on you for not speaking out and having them removed. The reality is, that is political rhetoric or they would have spoken out, and had those officers removed prior to it becoming a politically charged atmosphere.

Sure you can point to individuals who have made mistakes, I could change this topic into a who’s who of professional mistakes made by all careers, and be confident my profession would not come out on the bottom, but that would solve nothing. The same as a Police Chief shaming other agencies without providing proof.

Those same Police Chiefs have had officers fired under their command for other things (false police report, theft, etc.), but we don’t paint the entire force as such, so why with “Police brutality” and “Racism”.

I put those things in quotation marks not to make anyone reading this feel their opinion does not matter, but rather my personal observation that it is not a systemic issue and rather on individual basis people will make mistakes. The reality is we do have a huge mound to overcome in our society, even if you do not agree with it being a systemic reality, it is a reality for some of us, so we have to find a way to start the dialogue.

From my point of view my policing, and the policing of my fellow officers I have directly been involved with has never been effected by a person’s race or gender, but I recognize that there are individuals who feel that way, and we need to come together as a society.

I have laid open more feelings and thoughts than I feel comfortable with in general. I do so with the utmost concern for everyone in our community. If you feel dejected by the Law Enforcement Community I am not here to solidify that police officers are racist against you as so many Law Enforcement Officials have by wrongfully taken a knee and condemning other agencies. I am here to shed light on one officer who has dedicated his life to an unbreakable care and compassion for the community I serve regardless of your race.

Like I said before I have seen more gratitude from our “minority” community than ever before. Never question whether you have a Police force that would give their all if you ever needed it. I have seen incredible acts of kindness performed by my fellow officers on the community’s behalf.

So to tie up the title of this blog, what do I do to combat racism – I keep doing what I do. At the end of my career regardless of whether I reach retirement I know that I served my community regardless of race, treated them with the highest respect, and have felt true compassion for them throughout my time. That is my fight against racism, being a defender of those who needed it most. This is my story, and the story of so many others who do not get the chance to voice their own.

At the end of the day we don’t need bias confirmation on the things we read, but we do need to challenge ourselves to see other viewpoints. As hard as it is if bias confirmation is all we achieve the battle lines are never moved, and we never come together as a people. While I feel there is nothing more I can do to support our minority community that has felt disenfranchised with our society in my professional occupation, because I personally have never acted out of bias; and the brave women and men surrounding me never have, this is my approach to bridge that gap and show you the human side of the badge.

Never doubt the fact that the vast majority of your officers work tirelessly for the community. When I lay my head down at night I feel no guilt because I see the faces of our community members that I have been there for, and I know when they look back at their interactions with me they too will know I treated them with the highest respect possible for the given interaction we were involved in.

I wish you all well, and if you have read to this point thank you for challenging yourself. I read opposite views points at a higher rate than confirmation bias just for the fact of mental challenge.

“You must always be willing to truly consider evidence that contradicts your beliefs, and admit the possibility that you may be wrong. Intelligence isn’t knowing everything. It is the ability to challenge everything you know.” – Unknown Author.